The ultimate guide to surviving the heat (in a small Russian town)

Despite the fact that residents of Russia spend most of their time in warm coats and thoughts about the sea, there are times when 35-degree heat comes even into the harsh reality of Russia. We usually call those periods “summer”.

Sometimes, surviving the Russian summer is as difficult as to live to it in extreme conditions of severe frosts. But, as Russian women say getting into daughter’s jeans, nothing is impossible.

  1. It is urgent that you remain calm. It is also imperative to have an established anti-heat plan so everyone remains safe.
  2. First of all, try to find ice cream kiosk. Most likely, it does not work, but its shade can be a cool refuge from the midday sun.
  3. Such traditional Russian things as “веер”, a small “вентилятор для лица”, and a folded “газета” can help you to stay cool. Yes, I understand, there are a lot of unknown words for you. I myself have only recently learnt the translation of those words (“traditional”, “stay”, “folded”).
  4. Try to get as close as possible to the fountain. Most likely, there is no water in it, but since it’s the most typical date place, there are a lot of those whose girlfriends did not show up to the “date near the fountain.” So, they will treat you to ice cream.
  5. It is also advisable to find the nearest store with the sign “refreshing drinks”. The lack of fridge in it will freeze your enthusiasm very quickly, but a “friendly” seller will tell you how to get to an active fountain with life-giving moisture.
  6. Find some trees and hide in their shade. But don’t stray far into the forest. Legends say that bears are particularly angry in the heat.
  7. Since hot air rises, bend down. Just squat. If you’re lucky, people around will consider this as the signs of a heat stroke and offer you a glass of cold water. That’s exactly what you wanted.
  8. Buy a water pistol for your child, then from time to time take the toy away with the words “mommy needs it more” and sprinkle the water on your face. If it doesn’t work, go back to that store with the toy. If you handle the magic weapon correctly, probably you will found out that the fridge was in the store, after all.
  9. If you are indoors, open all windows and doors in the house and promote air circulation. Maybe it won’t keep your home cool, but the thieves who entered your home, while you were asleep, and stole all your savings, will help you distract from summer’s heat. Thanks god they didn’t take a fan.
  10. Computers and home appliances generate extra heat. Just be happy you live in Russia and don’t have so many of those things (Nuclear reactor does not count).
  11. Finally, remember to avoid alcoholic beverages. They act as diuretics and promote dehydration. This rule doesn’t apply to vodka, of course. Because the words “diuretics” and “dehydration” don’t have any bearing meaning after its application.
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11 thoughts on “The ultimate guide to surviving the heat (in a small Russian town)

  1. Marta, this was very entertaining. Americans would not learn these subtle survival skills to live in the heat. Instead we would blame the political party opposite the one we belong to and swear to change our government and laws to have plenty of fountains and ice cream. Then we would revolt when our taxes went up to pay for it all. I am beginning to learn a lot of good fountain philosophy from you. Who would guess you could get ice cream this way? I was relieved to find out number 11. Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, you are absolutely right, sometimes difficulties is the best way to hone our survival skills. For example, the were 200 views last week and it’s just about 10 this week. It’s difficult for me to accept the truth, but I should move on to survive in the blogosphere. And the summer is coming, after all 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I know what you mean. If I didn’t visit my blog often to check on it I’m sure it would become depressed due to neglect. Summer sounds very interesting where you are. Thank goodness for the ice cream and vodka or the bears could become a real problem. 🙂

        Like

      • If I don’t check it regularly, I do become depressed 🙂
        If the ice cream is a problem, there is #4 (for those only who wasn’t taught not to take candy from strangers) 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • 🙂 Great minds do think alike. I always thought strangers were people we knew. The more we know them the stranger they get; but, if they have ice cream then it’s possible to remain friends. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Most foreigners do not know of Russia’s heat!
    When I went to Russia I went in July and oh my god it’s sizzling! This was quite entertaining 🙂 x

    Like

  3. Thanks, Marta, for the visit and the like.

    I very much enjoyed the points you make about surviving the heat in a small Russian town as my American house cooling system is currently broke. Here, in America we have everything and especially love to install defective replacement parts that soon fail in order to generate more service calls and business.

    Here, we have no fountain with no water because we pay too much in taxes that have to go for waste, fraud, and abuse by our politicians. So, instead, I turn on the lawn sprinkler and run through it. It is fun.

    Cheers,
    Scott

    Liked by 1 person

    • We have such sprinklers in the gardens for watering potatoes and carrots. My sister and I used to run through it when we were six. Well, sprinkler would be a good #12 in that post. It’s really fun 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks, Marta for the follow. I have not travelled to Russia, but my brother has many times. He says the Russian and American senses of humor are exactly the same. I see some of what he says in your writings. I look forward to reading more of your humorous outlook.
    Scott

    Liked by 1 person

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