Make your world

DSC01969

As I said earlier, I love to learn and always try to find something new where I can expand my knowledge. I’ve found it again. It is online courses that I’m taking when I’m not writing posts on WordPress. But the sad thing is that the feedback from teachers should be paid, and that’s not how Russians learn. The feedback from other online learners is very poor. In fact, there is no feedback at all. And you can imagine what the lack of feedback means for me. Such psychological traumas are very dangerous for blogger’s mental health.

Dear fellow bloggers, I submitted my piece of work for your brutally honest evaluation.

In accordance with the Coursera Honor Code (online course on Essay Writing), I certify that the essay here is my own work.

Make your world

       Some people think that we are born to enjoy life’s pleasures without thinking about the future of our planet. Others believe that every person should leave something meaningful behind to make a world a better place to live in. Pursuing their personal goals, people should also have a contribution to offer to the world and society.

       First of all, if people think not only about themselves but also about others, they will make a huge difference in the world. If everyone tries to help those in need, there will be much more happiness, kindness, and wisdom out there. Additionally, we are all very different and have different opportunities and abilities. So, sharing them with others, we can double these advantages and complement one another’s life. Moreover, people who don’t want to give, can’t live life to the full because they damage the circle of life energy. If the energy doesn’t flow out, it won’t flow in.

       What’s more, contributing to the future prosperity of our planet, we take care of our children, grandchildren, and all future generations. Many of us don’t think about how the world will look like in hundreds of years from now. Though, it’s up to us to make it safer, healthier, and wealthier. We should be aware of the fact that our current impact on the environment will have long-term consequences. Therefore, we should be responsible for our actions now because they will affect lives of those who will live after us for ages. So, people should encourage each other to think about the need of future generations and to be less selfish.

       Finally, I believe that everyone has a talent, and not to use it is a fatal mistake. If a person works hard enough to use their full potential and energy, not only will they become better versions of themselves, they also will make the world better. Working with passion and gusto, one can ignite passion and interest in the hearts of others. And you never know how far those sparks will reach. They say that everything happens for a reason. I think that everyone has a hidden talent for a reason, and maybe that reason is to make the planet a little happier than it is now.

       In conclusion, thinking not only about the present but also about the future is the right way to go about it. There are a great number of things that people can create in this wonderful world. This is the world of opportunities and we should use them wisely to make it even more wonderful.

Advertisements

56 thoughts on “Make your world

  1. Loved the piece of writing overall and echo your thoughts and reasoning.
    I’ve said it before, but I am always astounded by how well people write in English when it isn’t their native tongue. Your piece flows very well and sounds natural.
    I’m not sure what the premise of the piece was you were asked to write was but it seems to have a formal tone about it. With this in mind, my only suggestion for improvement would be in your third paragraph.
    You begin with ‘what’s more’ but I’d personally change it to ‘furthermore’ as it has the same meaning, yet is more formal. Hope this helps and well done for continuing to expand your mind!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I also absolutely agree, and have been professing discovering one’s unique talents and becoming useful for many years. People can’t stand me anymore, and avoid having midnight talks with me, because I always return to this subject. It seems they all just have to go at 22.00 LOL. Like it very much, Marta

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for the thoughts Marta. It is nice to have a Russian friend and to know that she thinks much like I do. Our countries are not so different after all. Now if we could just get our leaders to get along with each other.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Leave it better than you found it . Keep thinking that way , I say . As for hidden talents —- have we all got some ? I’ll keep an eye out for mine . Thanks for the positivity . .

    Liked by 1 person

    • When I say something like this to my family, some of them criticize me telling me, “Live for yourself and your loved ones. Soon you will understand and change your mind”. Who knows. And I do believe everyone has some talent 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Marta,
    First of all, let me tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog. You’ve written a very good persuasive essay. Almost text book.
    Second, if you are serious about wanting meaningful feedback, I would be pleased to help you (gratis, of course). I am a semi-retired ESL teacher and grammar/vocabualry are my stock in trade. Except for a verb tense issue, the grammar in your essay is excellent. You could improve your word choices (as noted above) if you wanted to sound more “American”. I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be of much use to you if you were looking for a “British” accent. If you would like, I could email you my comments in MS Word document. Let me know.
    And whatever you decide, don’t stop writing!
    Best wishes to you in the new year!
    Chip

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chip,
      I didn’t know you were an English teacher! My cheeks flushed at the thought that you’ve noticed all the mistakes on my blog. Even now I feel a little embarrassed writing my response. Yes, I like American English more than British one, so I try to make my writing sound more American. I would really love to hear your professional comments on my essay, since I’m very interested in this topic now and try to polish my skills at academic essay writing.
      And thank you a lot for your support!

      Like

  6. Dear Marta, I can tell by the look from your lovely avatar that she suspects my comment is a little capricious. I assure you of my sincerity when I say, I’m amazed at the quality of your writing especially considering it’s not your native language. You introduce your theme, support it and elaborate further then tie it all together in your conclusion. The subject is one that brings a positive impression of the writer, which opens the door for some introspection of one’s position on the subject. I do feel you will continue to strive for the perfection you are known for and will continue to obtain a level of writing skill that is delicious to envy. I look forward to more. Oh! your avatar smiled. She really rocks the red lipstick. I think she approves my novice attempt at telling you what a good job you did. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I am delighted you liked one of my posts…which brought me here to have a look at your blog. I am more than delighted to be here. I enjoyed your essay and agree entirely with your thoughts and sentiments…..I shall be following your blog. Wonderful to make contact with someone from Russia….Super.
    Sadly, you will find my English distinctively British.
    You might even find my ‘English’ helpful….
    Whatever….Keep writing….and….Keep reading good English.
    Regards.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I also grew up in a family that professed a lack of trust in the world….this was a wrong way of viewing things and sort of self-serving in hindsight….. I’ve separated myself from that notion given by my parents because my personal life’s experience confirms to me that I can still believe in people without fear of being betrayed or harmed and if that does happen, so be it. I can learn from those aspects of humanity, move on and ensure that someone else doesn’t become victimized by the same thing that may have victimized me..at my hands.

    my only form of criticism might come via your thesis statement in which from what I understand, you basically repeated the last two sentences but used different wording, please correct me on that if I’m wrong. excellent work and concise too! Depending on the format requirements from Coursera, include works cited if you researched anything for this essay.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I didn’t use any sources but my imagination and thoughts. Otherwise, I would put quotation marks around something. The format of essay and the topic are not so “academic”. The synthesis essay is my next step because I learn that course now.
      And I’m so glad it resonates with you! Thank you for your advice!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Marta,

    I took you at your word and have made a few comments on your writing. Please understand that I was being very picky because you are a very talented and fluent writer. Your written work is so near to being “native speaker” that there was very little to polish. You can access my comments on my dropbox account at https://www.dropbox.com/s/djpwjlsj2kyx7dt/Make%20your%20world.docx?dl=0 or if that isn’t possible, contact me at my email awgardes@gmail and I will send them to you that way.

    In any case, don’t stop writing!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you a lot, Chip! I saw your corrections and I’m sure they will help me in my future essays and blog posts. Thank you again for your time and kindness!

      Like

  10. Firstly, this is a remarkable piece for someone not writing in their first language. There are many who could not write as good as this with English as their first language. However it jumps from objective to subjective. I should be made clear that it is subjective by letting people know earlier that it is what your personally believe. You make objective statements then say that say that “others believe: and it is not until the last paragraph that you say Finally, ‘I” believe. So put that “I believe” or something similar nearer to beginning to make it clear.
    Well done you!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hey I was wondering how you were able to follow me because I have been told by a few people that I don’t have a follow button. Is this because they are not logged in or am I doing something wrong. Sorry to bother. I’m a newbie and thanks for the follow

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hi Marta. I’m just seeing this for the first time and I didn’t go through the many comments which graced your wonderful post so there is a possibility that somebody may have pointed out already to what I am going to suggest.

    I loved your post. It is educational and quite thoughtful.

    It would have been more appealing if you put your thoughts in subtopics. This controls the way your information flows by making you emphasize more on the heart of each idea and by avoiding repeating ideas.

    Equally important, when you present an opinion, make it plain that it is one. For example, you wrote, “Moreover, people who don’t want to give, can’t live life to the full because they damage the circle of life energy. If the energy doesn’t flow out, it won’t flow in.” This is a quite interesting philosophy, but express it as an opinion because it is one.

    Otherwise, loved your post.
    Please, keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Hello there, I am here because you consistently supported my writings. I am thankful for having you as a part of my dictionary. 🙂
    And EVEN more proud to be a part of your blog. This piece is a mirror, and I believe everyone should gulp it down and remember it. 🙂
    Happy 2016. Remember to live in the moment, there are no problems in the now. Respect the power of now, and free yourself from your pain body.
    🙂 Sending you the respect you deserve. If you smiled, do let me know, I’ll add it to my list of awards. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I believe the topic you decided to reflect upon was a beautiful point that would inspire others towards more appreciation. For your writing, have your first paragraph be a review of the points you wish to make. Don’t begin your paragraphs with “First of all”,”What’s more” or “Finally”.Always have your first line be the point and then expand on your point. Summarize all your points in the last paragraph.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Liked this piece of work. Well done
    I believe that if women ruled the World it would be a better place! We are biologically nurturers and lovers and don’t usually make wars and fight. This of course will never happen as the male of the species could never hand over decision making to the females of our World. Hey ho! We can dream!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Beautiful piece. I think it’s so easy to criticize and judge others without understanding where they have come from and the story they have to tell. If we start looking at the positives in people it will also help bring out the positives in us. Not easy but worth it!!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Wonderful post. So true. I believe it’s so important to give back no matter how small you should do something to help others be they people or animals. And be kind to others always. Again great insightful post.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Couldn’t agree more. Words I feel are my talent but as yet I am unsure if they are to be spoken or written. A door will open one day and my job will be to recognise the opportunity which I dearly hope I do :0 good reading, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s